From the archive // For immediate release

Skrzyk Labs Introduces AaaS

Service aims to revolutionize meetings, corporate functions, politics, and much more

In a move that targets individuals or groups who have had to sit through anything ranging from meetings, discussions, social events, and/or relentless passive-aggressive bickering with family, Skrzyk Labs is introducing Asshole as a Service (or AaaS). Inspired by major social media trends and the state of world politics, AaaS promises to change human interaction at scales hitherto impossible.

If you find yourself in a relentlessly banal situation (socially or professionally) subscribers to AaaS can have a Skrzyk Labs Asshole spun up and available to break that deadlock. Does Bob keep contradicting Frank because Bob is pissed that Frank got his promotion? Our patented Virtual Asshole (VA) will walk in and tell Bob to shut the fuck up. Need more? Thanks to our robust mobile app, details of why Bob's head is lodged up his backside and just how far can be elaborated in searing detail. Not only is the problem solved, but you're not the asshole!

Other use cases could include a dreaded holiday dinner where someone's Aunt obliquely criticizes your choice in partner. In seconds our VA can call your Aunt out on her three divorces and secret love of putting cheddar cheese on peanut butter sandwiches. It's that customizable. The only limits are your imagination.

At Skrzyk Labs realize that being professional is hard and that being social is harder. Let us make your job easier by shouldering the burden of holding back your inner Id. Our assholes are standing by.

Skrzyk Labs: If you need an asshole, use ours